Rita's sister Ho Li, lives in Kuala Lumpur with her husband Gan, their four kids, Kristyn, Kathryn, Keith and Kenny, two Indonesian maids, Dar & Dawin, their driver Isa, who doesn't live with them but is basically on call 24/7, and don't forget Ben and Sam, the two golden retrievers. She works as a stock broker, and manages everything about running the household. I touched on this in an earlier post, but wanted to elaborate on her life a bit. While taking care of the household, children's functions, managing the maids, social activities, both adult and kids, etc., she found time to locate flights for us, as well as accommodations on Langkawi. She also took us down to Melaka to tour for a day, out for lunches, and to shop for the paintings we brought back (the really expensive breakfast at Raju's). Her schedule is incredibly hectic, but she seems to take it all in stride, as if we were the most important thing in the world. Now possibly this is just my westerner's view of an inscrutable Asian woman, but I never even saw her ruffled. I'm sure that we were a pain for her to schedule around, but you'd have never known it. I notice that even with all the evident stress, she laughs a lot, and she & Rita are thick as thieves. They talk to each other all the time, and I'm grateful that phone calls back and forth are as inexpensive as they are so they can.
Her husband, Gan, although extremely busy with a business transaction he was working on (I never-ever saw him without both of his phones), similarly made sure we were comfortable, even though he left the minutiae to Ho Li. He took time out of his incredibly busy schedule to take us out for a couple of nice dinners, as well as a tour of the town to show us the sites. He's a jovial guy who loves to talk about skiing. He started skiing in Asia a couple of years ago, and when they came to visit us for xmas last year, he got to do some skiing here in the Seattle area as well (a whole other story). He had recently spent some time in China and took some lessons while there. When he was fitted for boots, he felt that they were too tight, but made the mistake of listening to his coach's advice, and ended up with a blood blister on his big toe. He was in incredible pain, but in typical Asian stoicism, he just cowboyed up and kept skiing. Now he's got a big black toenail to grow out, and a good story to tell. Rita had spent a fair amount of time looking for a pair of ski pants for him because they simply can't be found over there. We brought him some good insulated pants, I hope he gets to use them a lot.
He was also very proud of his house, he took me for the cook's tour to show me the whole property. He had had extensive work done to the house after he bought it, a lot of which related to security, but also for esthetics and light. He'd also added a swimming pool, which was a favorite hang out of mine, I spent a fair amount of time either playing with the kids, or swimming laps, plus it was the coolest place in the house. The pool also has a jacuzzi, but the pump and heater weren't working properly. I wanted to take a look at it, but the electrics scared me, and I had no desire to work on sketchy wiring while standing in a pool of water, plus I had no tools to work with.
One of the things I noticed is that my relatives are very-very-very reluctant to allow you to pay for anything. And if you mention something you might want, don't be surprised if it shows up after their next trip wherever. I had to learn to not say things like "I wish I had a Coke", otherwise some pretense would be found to go out for a bit so that they could "incidentally" pick up my wished for item.
While out shopping with Rita's brother Sun, we stopped for a snack in the basement of Sim Lim Tower. He made sure that I went to find a table, so he could pay for the snack himself. An hour or so later we decided to have lunch there after hooking back up with Rita who had gone somewhere less geekish to shop for a while. Again, he made sure that we went to go get a table while he went to choose some food for us. The only thing I was allowed to buy on that particular trip (except geek stuff for myself) was some extra drinks when the curry we'd ordered got a bit hot for everyone. One of the things I really-really wanted to do while I was in Asia was go sailing. After our trip to Langkawi and my failed attempts to find a boat to rent there, I was determined to find one in Singapore. The second day we were back, Sun took Rita & I out looking for that boat. At least in Singapore, there were boats to be rented, while in Langkawi, we had a hard time just finding any. The problem with the boats in Singapore is that you have to belong to the club that's doing the renting in order to actually rent them. I thought that my Catalina International Association affiliation would help, but no dice. So Sun drove us to probably six different yacht clubs only to get turned down at each. Some simply weren't open because it was CNY, and others wouldn't let you rent unless you were either a member, or with a member. Sun was picking up a friend flying in from Thailand that afternoon who was a member of the Republic of Singapore Yacht Club, who had J-24's for rent. I was very-very careful not to express a wish for him to host us on the boat because I knew he'd probably do it, even if he was only going to be in town for three days. I'm sure that Sun had better things to do, but you'd have never known it. The irony is, on the day that I got back to the US, someone on the Catalina forums responded to my query about someone in Singapore who could host us. Had I thought about it, I could have probably come up with the same solution myself.
Now when I've got visitors, I go out of my way to accommodate them as well, but I was starting to feel guilty about imposing on them. I know they don't view it as an imposition, but my western upbringing knows all about fish and visitors. I try not to make myself a chore for my hosts, but some is inevitable.
My mother in law lives with Rita's brother Sun in Singapore. This is traditional, the parents will eventually live with the oldest son. As Sun is the only son, the responsibility falls to him. She was sick, actually running a fever, but still rode along with Sun at midnight to pick us up from the airport, and make us something to eat when we got home. I don't think Rita even noticed that she was sick that first night, but after twenty some odd hours of transit, I don't think she can be faulted for not noticing. The next day, she was worse, and spent a fair amount of time in bed, something she simply did not want to do because it was her job to be a good host. My own mother was this way, you couldn't walk into her house without being offered a cool drink (usually ice tea, she grew up in the south), and she would go to the same length that Rita's mom was even if she were on her death bed. Now bear in mind that this was in the days running up to Chinese New Year, the biggest celebration of the year for most Asians, so her not cooking, chopping, shopping, etc. was an indication of how ill she was. Fortunately, Rita's oldest sister Doris brought her maid Linda over to help. Now, according to Rita this was also unheard of, her mom would never let someone else across the threshold to her kitchen unless she was simply incapable of doing it herself. Not that she didn't try, but between Rita, Doris, Linda & Sun, they were able to take most of the load off of their mom so she could rest. Every time I offered to help, I was gently rebuffed with a smile as if it were unthinkable for a guest to help. The illness didn't stop her mom from getting up in the morning to make us breakfast. On more than one occasion I'd get up and walk out into the living room, and she'd be snoozing on the couch waiting for us to get up so she could start cooking. Once again, I felt guilty about this, especially since I knew she was sick, but there seemed nothing I could do, except encourage her to rest. There's a bit of a language barrier, she doesn't speak a lot of English, and I speak far less Chinese. She understands more than she speaks, but I had to keep reminding myself to talk to her, instead of trying to talk through Rita or her brother. The day of the big dinner (I'm jumping ahead in time here) for CNY at Sun's place, Doris came by with her husband Cheong Heng, and children Su-An, Dexter and Su-Lin. She was concerned about their mom, so she decided to take her to the nearby hospital for a "jab", what we'd call a shot in the US. I'm not sure what was in the shot, but it seemed to help, she was on her feet the next day, and improved from then.
Doris & family had just recently moved into a new apartment that she wanted to show us. The first night she came over with her daughters, the youngest, Su-Lin, was nearly desperate for us to come over, but we weren't able to go that night. Ho Li's family (the Gan's) were on their way down, and would be staying with Doris for CNY, so we planned to go visit when the whole gang was there. Apparently it's simply not done to stay at a hotel or anywhere that's not family when you come to visit, so Doris's place would be swelled to capacity with the extra six people, but this isn't even thought about, you're simply accommodated. Similarly at Sun's place, her mom had given up her room for Rita & I so we'd have some privacy and our own bathroom. I felt incredibly guilty about this, but we'd have actually insulted them if we'd have chosen to stay at a hotel so we wouldn't put them out. Unthinkable.
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